The problem with "Merry Christmas"
The return of a kinder, gentler Ebenezer Stew

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by Stewart Sallo (letters@boulderweekly.com)

If you've ever kept a journal—as most of us have at one time or another—you may have had the enlightening experience of reading something you wrote years earlier and being struck by the change in your attitudes over the course of time. I had this very experience recently when I reread a column I wrote almost exactly three years ago, titled "Ebenezer Stew."

In this column (which can be located at www.boulderweekly.com/archive/121902/stewsviews.html), I tried to help the majority among us who celebrate Christmas understand how it feels to be part of the minority that does not celebrate our culture's most beloved holiday. It was my intention to point out that the ever-increasing position of dominance this holiday occupies in American culture during the months of November and December is not a source of peace and goodwill, but rather the cause of considerable unhappiness and alienation for millions of Americans.

"Ebenezer Stew" was criticized by many, including members of my immediate family, for being a self-indulgent rant that served no positive purpose. Rather than opening the hearts of those who were unaware of the pain many of us suffer at this time of year, I was told, my expression of outrage only served to widen the chasm of misunderstanding that I had hoped to bridge.

During the past four years, I have examined the difference between expressions that merely convey outrage and those that have even the smallest chance of winning over someone who is in the habit of thinking about the world in a different way. The unprecedented (at least in our lifetimes) partisan political climate Americans have been drawn into during the current administration has had the silver lining of making it painfully obvious how disastrous it can be when people of differing perspectives are unable to communicate respectfully with each other. The "dialogues" that result against this backdrop are not dialogues at all. To the contrary, we become increasingly polarized as we articulate our positions in a manner that, in its outrage, fails to bring those on the other side to a better appreciation of our perspective. Consequently, instead of listening as a good partner in a meaningful discussion that could be a source of greater understanding, our "opponent" is busily preparing a rejoinder, more often than not delivering it with an increased measure of outrage—frequently after cutting the original speaker short. This is how we have come to discuss controversial issues in our culture during the past few years, and it is by far a greater threat to American democracy and freedom than the Islamic world poses.

It's true that there's a place for expressing outrage, and certainly bigotry is something to feel outraged about. But most of those who celebrate Christmas are not bigots. Rather, they are part of a majority that merely hasn't had the life experience of being in the minority and, therefore, has never felt the sting of being left out, alienated, minimized, marginalized and even persecuted. Consequently, they can't really understand what it feels like to be in the midst of the biggest party of the year, having not received an invitation.

When I wrote the "Ebenezer Stew" column, I felt I was justified in my outrage, and I still believe that I was. But as justified as outrage may be, it doesn't move us forward as a culture, and this has become a more firmly held objective of mine during the ensuing years. I've tried to involve myself in the work of unifying a world that seems to be growing more divided along religio-political lines. Arguably, this is the only way to truly create "Peace on Earth," at this or any other time of year.

But even with my toned-down attitude—even acceptance—of the lights; the infernal, mindless commercialism; the rushing around; the decorations; the music; etc., etc., etc., there's one thing I can't seem to shake. I take serious umbrage at being wished "Merry Christmas" by total strangers who do not know I am Jewish and assume that I, like everyone else, am Christian. The Christmas accoutrements mentioned above are not directed at me; I'm merely walking around in the midst of them. Receiving the "Merry Christmas" greeting is personal. And, for me, it triggers five decades of memories that range from the anti-Semitic persecution I experienced as a small child to the token Chanukah song that was thrown into the "Christmas (not Holiday) Sing" at my school, culminating in the deep convictions I hold about the need to honor the separation of church and state that seems to be all but lost in the Christian-right-propped-up Bush administration.

The greeting "Merry Christmas" in a public setting is inherently divisive, rather than unifying; exclusive, rather than inclusive; and greedy, rather than charitable. It makes many people of other faiths (or no faith) feel alienated and marginalized as a minority in a culture dominated by another religious group. It reminds some of us of painful experiences in our lives. "Merry Christmas," when spoken—even with innocent intentions—to one of these people is downright unchristian in that it fails the litmus test of compassion and charity that Jesus taught when all this began some 2,000 years ago.

In recognition of this, our culture has addressed this problem in a way that reveals something about human nature that can give us hope, even when we have more reasons than ever to feel hopeless about our species' ability to live peacefully together on this planet. It is called social evolution. As a culture we continue to evolve socially as we adopt better—not different, but better—ways of doing things.

In the mid-1800s we evolved from a culture that owned slaves to one that embraced the notion that all human beings should be free to follow their own destiny. In the early 1900s, we evolved into a society that allowed women the right to vote. In the 1950s, we evolved to the point of allowing those of African descent to attend the same schools and ride in the same part of buses as whites. In 1973, we evolved again when we gave women the right to choose a safe method of terminating an unwanted pregnancy. And in recent years, we evolved from greeting those of unknown religious beliefs and cultural backgrounds with "Merry Christmas" to "Happy Holidays."

We are moving ahead as a culture, day by day, week by week, year by year. The examples I have cited are just a smattering of the many, impressive advances we have made as a society. Each time we evolve, we do so deliberately, thoughtfully and for reasons that address the greatest good. And, once we have moved forward there is no turning back, the insecurities of the regressionists—those who feel threatened by any given societal advance—notwithstanding.

"Merry Christmas" has evolved into "Happy Holidays," for the best possible reason: because it brings us closer together as children of the same Creator walking different paths. And what could be more akin to the "Christmas spirit" that we aspire to at this time of year than that? And further, what could be a better tonic during these troubled times when division along religio-political lines has led to unprecedented human suffering?

The regressionists who lobby for us to revert from "Happy Holidays" to "Merry Christmas" are placing their lust for power and authority over others ahead of the true principles of the faith they purport to be defending: kindness, compassion, understanding, charity and love. Their fear of change, weakness of character and fundamental insecurity cause them to attempt to control, rather than understand and include, others who do not share their exact beliefs. I do not consider these people Christian, as their actions do not bear any resemblance to the teachings of Jesus.

Some people in the United States of America—and you never know who they are—find the concept of Christmas painful. I could outline some of the reasons, but they're absolutely irrelevant. Real people feel that way for their own good reasons, and it's not anyone else's place to judge them. Saying "Merry Christmas," knowing that you may be saying it to someone who feels uncomfortable with that greeting, or with the holiday itself, is like saying, "This is a Christian country, get used to it. If that makes you feel uncomfortable, too bad. Maybe you should live somewhere else." And to challenge the reason someone feels uncomfortable is like saying, "You have no reason to feel uncomfortable. Get over yourself." No true Christian would do that. A true Christian takes special precautions to be sure his or her actions don't hurt anyone's feelings, in any way, for any reason—even a reason they are not aware of or able to understand.

There is a term that originates from the Judeo-Christian bible that both Christians and Jews hold in high esteem, called "Tzedakah." This term is part of a fundamental principle that Christians and Jews—and, indeed, people of every faith on the planet—share. It is commonly translated from its Hebrew origin as "charity." But the deeper meaning of this term lies in its literal meaning: justice or righteousness. Judeo-Christian theology teaches that sharing one's abundance through charitable acts is not merely an act of good will or generosity. Rather, it is an act of justice to help others who have less than you do. And, from that it follows that failure to help others in whatever way you are able is an act of injustice.

But charity doesn't begin and end with the financial realm. It applies equally to empowerment and ownership. And when you are a Christian living in a Christian culture, you have more power and ownership in that culture than a non-Christian. And during the ever-expanding season leading up to Christmas, the balance of empowerment and ownership shifts to a more inequitable degree than at any other time of year. The just or righteous thing to do is to be charitable with that empowerment and ownership so that others will be better able to share in the culture they should, by the principles established at the genesis of our country, have equal status within.

Being aware that many people are uncomfortable during this time of year and making special allowances for them is the righteous thing to do. Saying "Happy Holidays," calling it a "Holiday Party" and resisting the urge to celebrate a religious holiday in schools and other public settings is the Christian thing to do. And, best of all, evolving in this direction will reduce the number of outraged "Ebenezer Stews" in the world, giving us all a better chance of realizing "Peace on Earth" within our lifetimes.

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