If you look up the word megalomaniac in the dictionary, you'll find a picture of half of Rush Limbaugh's face. Why only half? Because his entire fat head wouldn't fit in the photograph.

For years, Limbaugh has been spreading his uninformed opinions all over the airwaves, much like a retarded alpha orangutan wiping its feces on every tree it finds in the forest in an attempt to mark its territory.

Recently, Limbaugh criticized Michael J. Fox after the actor appeared in several political ads favoring candidates who support stem cell research. Apparently, Limbaugh's ego has expanded to planetary proportions and has pushed all rational thought right out. Fox has been suffering from Parkinson's for years, and his symptoms have become progressively worse. Limbaugh accused Fox of "exaggerating the effects of the disease" in the commercials to garner sympathy for Democratic interests.

Limbaugh must be back on the pain pills if he thinks he has the medical knowledge to accurately diagnose Fox's condition.

"He is moving all around and shaking, and it's purely an act," Limbaugh said on his show. "This is really shameless of Michael J. Fox. Either he didn't take his medication, or he's acting."

Following negative reactions from Parkinson's experts and his own listeners, Limbaugh apologized for some of his statements. "So I will bigly, hugely admit that I was wrong," said Limbaugh. He then went on to say that Fox should not have allowed himself to be exploited by the Democrats in exchange for political favors.

I guess that's a heartfelt apology in Rush's world.

The Democrats suffered from their own case of political-Tourette's this week when John Kerry, former presidential candidate and current party whipping boy, spoke at a campaign rally at Pasadena Community College in California. While reportedly making a joke about Bush, Kerry got his words tangled and ended up insulting American soldiers in Iraq.

On Monday, Kerry told an audience of students: "You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don't, you get stuck in Iraq."

A spokeswoman for Kerry said the joke was supposed to go like this: "Do you know where you end up if you don't study, if you aren't smart, if you're intellectually lazy? You end up getting us stuck in a war in Iraq. Just ask President Bush."

Bush, McCain and numerous Republican cronies have demanded an apology, but Kerry has refused, saying that the statement was obviously directed at the president and the pundits are blowing it way out of proportion.

It's doubtful that a military veteran like Kerry would intentionally call American soldiers a bunch of uneducated morons. However, it's still a stupid statement. Many soldiers ended up in Iraq not because they weren't worthy of education, but because joining the military was the only way they could afford education. It's about time the Democrats got a new poster boy––one that can properly read the cue cards.

Despite all the hoopla on both sides, neither party seems to have the answers to America's economic problems. For instance, why are gas prices still higher than Snoop Dogg backstage at a Cypress Hill concert? Well, just head on up to the mountains some time and see for yourself.

The Aspen home of Saudi Prince Bandar bin Sultan Abdulaziz recently went on the market for a record $135 million. This is the highest price that has ever been asked for a residence in the United States. There are 27 bathrooms in this Franken-house and the inside of the structure is larger than an acre. That's right, you read correctly: 56,000 square feet of cedar and steel. The estate requires 16 full-time staff members to keep it running smoothly. And that number jumps to more than 50 when Prince Bandar entertains guests.

Over the years, Bandar's ranch has been visited by numerous business magnates and world leaders, including George W. Bush himself, who reportedly wrote in the guest book: "Some log cabin!"

Prince Bandar is the former Saudi Arabian ambassador to the United States and helped shape the policies in the Middle East. He has negotiated numerous arms deals between U.S. defense contractors and Saudi Arabia, which have been extremely lucrative for both sides.

Obviously, Bandar's family and friends have benefited from Saudi/U.S. relations, but no more so than the American corporations involved in the process.

Is it possible that Dick Cheney has a humble multi-million dollar abode somewhere outside of Riyadh where he can take a crap in 20 different rooms without leaving the comforts of home? If so, it's probably a good thing. After all, Cheney is full of shit.

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